INT. a typical suburban living room,
the afternoon
CINDY, a housewife in her 30s, sits on the couch reading a
magazine. The doorbell rings. She answers it.
Cindy
Dalton, how are you? Would you like to come in?
She gestures to the inside of the house.
dalton
Hi, Cindy, no, this'll just take a moment. I just wanted to
ask a question, and look, I know we're not close, and we've been neighbors for
a while, I mean, since you moved here years ago, but we never...god, this is
awkward...
CINDY looks apprehensively at DALTON.
CINDY
I'm not sure what's going on here, but this feels like high school, like you're building up to ask me out, but the intention is buried behind a wall of insecurity or something.
DALTON
Oh jesus, no. No, no, no. I mean, you're attractive, sure,
but I'm married. You're married! No. No! I'm...look...are you torturing a child
in here?
CINDY
(laughs)
Oh! No!
DALTON
It's just that I've been hearing bloodcurdling screams at all
hours of the night, and I didn't want to call the authorities...I just...I hate
those stupid mix-ups, where one person misreads a cue or misunderstands
something, and he could easily have fixed it if he only-
CINDY
I understand.
(beat)
I think.
(beat)
But no, that's our cat.
DALTON
Look, I said I didn't want to be the guy that calls the police because he mistook your TV program for a real, dying child, but you have to think I'm an idiot-
CINDY grabs a packet of cat treats and shakes them. Pepper
comes bounding out of another room and jumps into her arms. CINDY scratches
Pepper's stomach, and he meows. The meow is the sound of a human child
screaming in pain. DALTON jumps back aghast.
DALTON
What the fuck!
Pepper "meows" again.
CINDY
Ok, well, you know how my husband is an Egyptologist?
DALTON
Oh! I knew he did something with museums. It's just...when you first introduced me, I wasn't paying attention and then I thought it would be rude to ask, so I just went on not-
CINDY
Well, anyway, he brought home this tablet he found buried in
the Eastern Desert, and ever since then Pepper here has been screaming. I guess
it's a curse or something.
DALTON
(incredulous)
So, your cat screams like a dying child. That's your cat. This isn't an elaborate prank.
CINDY gestures like a bemused Larry David.
DALTON
And you're ok with Pepper here emitting the horrid cry of the
macabre?
CINDY
Hey, when life gives you lemons...
DALTON
What's the lemonade in this metaphor then?
CINDY
Oh. I guess us just living with his inhuman shrieks. That's a
good Pepper.
CINDY rubs his neck. Pepper screams. DALTON grabs his ears.
DALTON
Please! Shut it up! How has it not driven you mad? Why have
you done nothing about it?
CINDY
What do you mean? Get rid of snookums? How dare you suggest that. What if your grandfather began erupting blood every time he spoke, would you throw him in a rest home and be done with it?
DALTON
I would get him help! It seems to me that you want to blame
your cat's fucked up condition on some ancient tablet, when who knows what the
real problem is? Just because it happened at the same time your husband brought
that artifact home doesn't mean it's a curse. Hell, maybe Pepper licked some
sand off it, and it got lodged in his throat. You know, if my cat screamed -
screamed! - like a child I'd take him to the vet!
CINDY
Well, we have different parenting techniques then. Pepper
here hates his carrier. And what Pepper hates, we don't force on him.
DALTON
You are not a good pet owner.
CINDY
Where do you get off criticizing how I take care of my cat?
Pepper screams obnoxiously. DALTON and CINDY both grab their
heads. Blood trickles from their noses. CINDY drops Pepper who then sits
playing with a cat toy.
DALTON
How...have you been putting up with this for so long...
CINDY dabs at her nose with a tissue.
CINDY
It didn't start out...this badly.
Pepper hits the toy under the couch. He begins to scream
again. This time louder, more piercing. CINDY and DALTON fall to the ground.
Blood comes out of their faces and collects on the ground. DALTON grabs CINDY.
DALTON
(hissing)
Please!
CINDY
(with deep sadness)
I love my cat.
They collapse in a heap. The screaming continues.
BLACKCATOUT